Welcome to my world.

I've learned that confidence is a tricky thing over the last few weeks. Without the help of my significant other this never would have crossed my mind. It's a concept I didn't think mattered, let alone would affect my life and the people in it. I've never thought of myself as pretty or worthy of attention. When you walk into a room full of people i would be found hiding in a corner all to myself. Up untill those few weeks ago i was perfectly content this way. 

I live my life thru a bubble unaware of the clear barrier protecting me. I wasn't expecting for this bliss to be shattered in one night. Now I've painfully realized how miserable i am with myself. I don't know who I am anymore. 

Tho, in my defence, I've never really known. I never cared to. When you grow up being told how fat, ugly, and stupid you are over time you start to believe it. Majority rules right? I didn't see the point in putting so much time and effort into loving myself and who i am. I just couldn't see the use in making myself happy when i could be putting that energy into the people around me. 

I am slowly coming to the realization that i don't like who i am. My personality, looks, style. All have been planned for me. I am still under the mentality that i live with my parents and need their acceptance to live my life. Even when i shop for clothes i ask myself "Will Mother find this appropriate?" not "Does it make me feel sexy and confident?".

So this is my goal. Gain what i never knew i needed.

Happiness.